Kelly Clarkson, the Grammy-winning singer and beloved television personality, has shared a deeply personal memory from her marriage to ex-husband and former manager Brandon Blackstock — a moment she says has haunted her ever since.

In testimony before a California labor commissioner, Clarkson recalled being discouraged by Blackstock from pursuing one of the most important career opportunities of her life: a coaching role on NBC’s The Voice.

According to Clarkson, Blackstock repeatedly told her she wasn’t “the right fit” for the hit show. He allegedly insisted that NBC was looking for a very different type of coach — someone he described as a “sex symbol,” more in line with pop superstar Rihanna. Clarkson testified that Blackstock claimed the network wanted someone “sexy” and, in his words, “someone that was black” to satisfy diversity goals.

He also reportedly argued that Clarkson’s presence on the panel would be redundant, since she was “too similar” to country star Blake Shelton, one of the show’s longtime fixtures.

“For a wife, being told you’re not a sex symbol is not something you forget,” Clarkson told the commissioner, emphasizing the lasting emotional toll those words took on her — not only as a performer, but as a woman trying to balance her career and marriage.